


Far Away.

by JustForTommo



Series: Your Life, Your Voice, Your Reason To Be [1]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Fluff, Headcanon, Homesickness, I will be adding tags as a go, M/M, how i think things play out behind the scenes, just a bunch of ficlets and drabbles that are kinda canon, things about tour or things that happen on breaks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-14
Updated: 2014-12-14
Packaged: 2018-03-01 10:31:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,044
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2769755
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JustForTommo/pseuds/JustForTommo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes, Louis feels so far away it hurts.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Far Away.

**Author's Note:**

> This ficlet was inspired by two gifsets/posts I found on Tumblr. [here is the post about what Louis does when he's sad](http://apulseinthepages.tumblr.com/post/104863211957/keep-calm-and-shit-rainbows-liam-louis-had-a) . [And this post talks about Louis wanting chocolate and being frustrated about now having it](http://donnyscheshire.tumblr.com/post/112173035229) . 
> 
> **unbeta'd. This was inspired in the middle of the night and I had to write. So here you go.

Louis groans and rolls over in his too small, too hot bunk. The bus rocks as it goes over yet another pothole and he tries to bury himself under his covers. He can hear Niall’s laughter from behind the door and the faint music of Mark Kart playing in the background. He stretches, flexing his arms and curling his toes.

His phone lights up beside him when his elbow falls onto the home button, and he sees there are no new notices. It’s fine. It’s not like he expected there to be any text messages or anything waiting for him.

It’ just…he wishes there were.

It’s fine though.

Lottie left only a little over a week ago to go back to England. She needed a break from their touring schedule, and Louis doesn’t blame her. He talked to his mum over the phone a few days ago, but that doesn’t make up for the sparkle in her eye or the way there are new laugh lines forming around her lips every time he walks through his front door. He wonders how Daisy is doing on her latest art projects and if Phoebe has finally managed to figure out the quadratic equation. He wants to know if Fizzy is still seeing that guy that he’s never been able to give the Big Brother Talk to because he’s always on the road.

His mom told him that the twins have started walking now. She sent him a video and he’s probably watched it over a hundred times. Especially late at night when the boys are asleep because he can hear the baby’s cooing and his mother’s delighted laughter in the background as they walk towards her. He misses them so much it hurts sometimes.

Louis taps in his passcode and pulls up the picture Fizzy sent him over a month ago. She’s smiling into the camera, cheeks wind-kissed red and her dark hair falling into her eyes. She’s holding up her econ exam, a red A stamped on the front of her paper, and the caption reads _Got an A!! I totally kicked this test’s ass Lou_.

He can hear Harry squawking about something in the distance and Zayn grumbling at him. The bus hits another pot hole, and he sits up, careful to avoid banging his head on the low ceiling of his bunk. The floor of the bus is cold so he reaches over to Harry’s bag and pulls out his favorite alien socks. They warm his feet and he pulls one of Harry’s hoodies on to fight off the cold air running through the bus. Harry always runs hot so the bus stays cold.

Louis breathes in, filling his nose with the soft smell of apples, spicy cologne, and a smell that is inherently Harry. He snuggles deeper into the warmth of the hoodie and tries to let the smell of his boy wash over him. It helps a little. He isn’t as home sick with Harry around.

When he finally emerges from the bunkroom he notices the clock says 12:17 on the wall and yawns. They had actually all gone to bed at a reasonable hour, tuckered out from a day filled with interviews. He wonders how long the boys have been up but doesn’t ask, just goes and makes himself a cuppa.

There are times like today when he doesn’t feel like talking. He knows that he’s always been the loud one of the group, always getting into something or terrorizing someone, but there are days like today where his mind moves too fast and his body feels like it’s being left behind in the dust.

He shuffles over to sit beside Zayn on one of the couches, leaning his head on his shoulder. Zayn gives him a soft smile and wraps an arm around Louis’ waist, pulling him in tighter. They watch in silence as the other three boys stare intently at the telly and tighten their grip on their controllers as the finish line appears on the screen. Liam, as Princess Peach, finishes first, followed by Harry and then Niall.

Niall groans and throws his controller to the ground. Harry glances up at Louis and gives him a small, private smile. It only takes a moment before the smile slips into something more pensive and questioning.

Zayn’s fingers are tracing lightly over the fabric on Louis’ arms, but he seems to be doing it in an absentminded way because he’s focused on a game on his phone. Louis feels his body tense when he messes up and then relax as he starts a new round.

Harry makes a small, soft sound in the back of his throat and Louis glances back up at him. He’s still watching, big green eyes still scanning Louis’ face. It’s not like Louis has a big neon sign over his head that says _LOUIS IS UPSET_ , but he might as well have one because Harry knows. Harry can tell, has some sort of sixth sense that tells him with Louis is upset about something.

Maybe the rest of the boys can tell too because Zayn hasn’t stopped his soft touches and Niall and Liam glance over at him more than necessary. They all know to not ask questions though, and that makes Louis feel a little better.

“I’m going to go ask Paul how much longer until the pit stop. I’m starving!” Niall says as he stands up. He disappears behind a curtain and Louis can hear the rough cadence of his voice but can’t make out the words.

“We’re stopping soon?” Louis asks, first words he’s spoken since he came to sit with the boys.

“Yeah, hopefully. Paul promised Niall we’d stop for snacks about an hour ago, and you know Niall,” Liam says from his corner. He has pulled out his phone and is smiling down at what is probably a text from Sophia.

Louis tears his eyes away, chest tightening around the sharp desire to have his hands on his phone. He knows he shouldn’t want his mother to call as much as he does. He doesn’t need to hear Lottie’s exasperated laughter at his antics or Phoebe’s young and naïve questions she sometimes asks because she’s still young enough to believe that Louis has all the answers.

Louis snuggles further into Zayn’s side and Harry disappears into the bunk area. Louis tracks his movements with his eyes, as if on instinct, but doesn’t have the energy to follow him. His phone’s in that room. He doesn’t need to sit here all day and stare at a phone that isn’t going to buzz to life

It’s not even that his family can’t talk to him today. It’s just that this isn’t their scheduled day for a Skype session. Louis had learned early on that it is better to have a scheduled time slot for family phone calls and Skype nights. That way they can all be in the same place and won’t miss each other. He’s still got another two days before he can Skype back home and actually have someone answer.

It takes another twenty minutes before the bus pulls into a gas station. They’re in the middle of Wyoming, or some random state in the middle of America, and the gas station is all but deserted. That’s good though. That means no fans, no pictures he’s going to have to fake a smile for.

Louis follows Niall’s bouncing figure into the shop and heads straight for the candy isle. Niall makes a happy sound when he finds the crisps isle and Louis rolls his eyes fondly at him. Anyway, back to business. His eyes scan the racks of candy, skipping over the Sour Skittles and the Jawbreakers.

Where is it?

A yellow wrapper catches his eye, but his heart sinks because it’s not what he’s looking for. He walks further down the aisle but it’s not there.

Of course it’s not. They’re in the middle of the US. Why would it be here?

Liam comes towards him, water bottle and a pack of M&Ms in his hand. Louis feels like he’s going to cry which is so stupid because it’s just candy, but it feels like so much more. He’s just so tired and worn out and his mind is still racing with everything he’s missing out on at home.

He sends Liam a small little pout and Liam steps up his pace a bit, reaching for him and pulling him into his chest.

“Hey, what are you looking for?” God bless Liam for not outright asking what’s wrong. That’ll just make Louis actually start crying.

“I…I just want a Crunchie but they don’t have any,” he mumbles into the fabric of Liam’s tshirt.

“Oh, uh…” He can tell Liam’s searching, knows that Liam already knows they won’t find it because they’re not in the UK. “How about a Butterfinger? That’s kind of the same?”

It’s not. It’s really not. He wants honey flavoring, not peanut butter. He grabs it anyway to keep himself busy.

“Here, I’ll take it up to the register. You go back to the bus, ok?”

Louis nods absently and walks back outside. The sunshine beats down on his back, makes him sweat a little inside of the oversized hoodie, but he doesn’t want to take it off. He knows he has a boy that smells like home inside, that the sweatshirt is a cheap imitation of the real crisp, sharp smell of Harry’s skin, but he doesn’t want to bother Harry.

It’s not like Harry wouldn’t mind a cuddle. He’s always up for a cuddle. It’s just…Louis feels off and he knows that he’ll bring Harry down with him with his foul mood if he goes to him.

Niall’s already back on the bus, crisp bag already mostly empty, and flipping through the channels on the telly. Harry sits at the table, scribbling away in his notebook, brow furrowed and bottom lip between his teeth. Louis wants to curl up next to him, but he doesn’t want to distract him.

Louis sits down on one of their beanbag chairs and fiddles with his fingers.

Zayn comes in a few moments later, smelling of fresh cigarette smoke and runs a hand through his hair. There’s a light sheen of sweat on his brow from standing under the sun and his skin is tainted a temporary gold from the rays. Liam’s quick on his heels, snacks in hand, and drops off Louis’ Butterfinger as he sits down beside him on the other beanbag.

“Thanks,” Louis says, attempting a smile and knowing it falls flat.

Liam doesn’t comment on it, just shrugs and bumps his shoulder.

The Butterfinger tastes all wrong in his mouth. It’s chocolate, yeah, but it doesn’t explode with honey-sweetness. It’s creamy peanut butter that sticks to the roof of his mouth and in the crevices of his teeth. He sighs and stands up, throwing the offending candy at Niall and murmuring, “Here, don’t want it,” as he walks into the bunkroom.

He’s only been up an hour, but he feels so drained already. Thank God they don’t have to do any promo today. He’s not sure how he’d be able to handle it.

He curls up onto his bed, pulls the covers up to his chin, and grabs his phone. There still aren’t any new messages. He dial’s home anyway.

It rings five times before his mother’s voice answers and says to leave a message at the beep.

Louis throws his phone against the wall, not caring if it cracks, and whimpers into the pillow. He feels pathetic. His homesickness normally isn’t this bad. He can usually just brush it off and move on, but not today. He hates it.

Tears sting in the back of his eyes and he forces them shut to keep all the water in. He balls his fingers into a fist and pushes his hands to his lips in order to keep all the sounds in as well.

Louis hears someone walking into the bunk room, knows it’s Harry before he even feels his presence beside him. Harry doesn’t say anything, just pulls back Louis’ covers and slips under the blankets. He curls his long limbs around Louis’ body and pulls him close.

“Lou,” Harry whispers into his hair.

Louis lets out a choked sob and tries to pull away from Harry, embarrassed. Harry just holds tighter and kisses his ear.

“I’ve got something for you,” Harry says, still whispering. Louis hears the crinkle of paper and then something is being placed in his hand.

When he opens his eyes he sees a golden wrapper and red words spelling out _Crunchie_.

“What?” Louis asks, voice still thick with tears. “Where did this come from?”

“I packed a few before we left. Thought you might want them at some point.”

Louis stares at the candy in his hand and lets the tears fall this time. Harry pushes back his hair and peppers small kisses along his cheekbone.

“It’s ok, love,” he murmurs against his skin. “It’s ok.”

“I miss them,” Louis manages to get out, breathing hard.

“I know you do, baby. I know.”

“I’m sorry I’m being such a baby about this.”

“You aren’t being a baby. I miss my family too. It’s going to be ok.” Harry’s fingers trail down his sides and rest on his hip, squeezing softly.

Louis nods and gulps in air.

“Why didn’t you come get me this morning when you were feeling bad?” Harry asks after a while. Louis’ breath has evened out and the tears have stopped leaking from his eyes.

“I just…I didn’t want to bother you. I feel so stupid when I get like this.”

“No, baby, you aren’t stupid. I get it, I do. Don’t ever think you can’t come to me about this.”

Louis listens to Harry tell him sweet little anecdotes for a while, matches his breathing to the way Harry’s chest rises and falls against his back, and stares at the yellow packaging around his favorite candy.

“Thanks for the Crunchie,” Louis says finally.

“You’re welcome.” Harry stretches and gets more comfortable. He grabs Louis’ phone from where it’s still lying against the wall and thumbs over the passcode. “Maybe we can see if Daisy’s on her iPad? Maybe she can Skype a bit?”

Louis nods but tries not to get his hopes up.  He’s pretty much accepted that he’s not going to get to talk to his family today.

Daisy’s name comes up on his Skype contacts with a green little checkmark beside her name. It shouldn’t be such a big deal, but Louis’ heart races. Harry kisses his cheek once before pressing _Video Call_.

It takes three rings before it connects.

“Louis?” Daisy asks, face blurry but there and voice tinny but still sounding like her. Louis wants to cry again. “Is everything ok?”

“Yeah, Bug,” he says, having to clear his throat first. “Everything’s fine. Just missing you a bit, is all.”

Louis watches Daisy smile and nod. “Miss you too. Hey Harry!”

“Hey, Dais!” Harry says, smiling just as wide as Louis is. “How are you?”

“I’m good,” she says. “Hey, Lou! Guess what!”

“What?”

“I’ve got a piece in the art show! Mrs. Potts said she liked me art so much she wants to put it on display with the upper-levels!” Her grin is so big that Louis thinks her face might split in half. His finger itch to hug her but he swallows his desire and lets himself feel thankful he at least gets this moment.

“That’s amazing, Daisy! I’m so proud of you! Will you send pictures of the show to me? I want to see it.” He hates he won’t be in town to actually go see her art hanging on the wall. He’s missing so much.

“Of course,” Daisy says easily, nodding and still smiling. “I’m so excited, but I’m a little nervous. The older kids have some really good displays too, and I don’t want to get in their way.”

“You won’t,” Louis assures her. “They’ll all be jealous of you because you’re younger and more awesome.”

Daisy laughs and Louis’ chest loosens for the first time all day.

They chat for a while, talking about everything under the sun, until Daisy says she’s got to go. It’s her turn to cook dinner and she has no idea what she’s doing. Harry suggests she cook pasta and Louis suggests cereal. Daisy sides with Harry, though she does give a moment’s pause to think about Louis’ suggestion.

“Ok, I have to go. Bye! Love you!”

“Love you!” Louis says, smiling softly at her sister’s pixelated face.

“Bye Harry!”

“Bye!”

The picture does black for a moment before returning to the Skype homepage. Louis turns around in Harry’s arms and kisses him softly.

“Thanks.” He gives Harry a slow kiss them, lips sliding together so slowly he feels like their melting into one person.

“Of course,” Harry answers as he pulls back. “Just wanted to make you smile.”

Louis does smile. They lay there for a few more minutes and Louis snacks on his candy. Harry presses kisses to his hair and slides his fingers under Louis’ hoodie to draw shapes on Louis’ bare hip. Louis feels a lot better now, even if the pang of homesickness hasn’t completely subsided. It’s definitely a lot better than this morning.

He wonders about Daisy’s show and what her piece is going to look like hanging on the wall with all the other, older kids art beside it. He hopes that people admire her work and tell her that she’s a wonderful artist. He hopes that one day he’ll be able to be in town for one of her art events, but he knows he probably won’t be. He hates that he’s away so much, but then he walks out into the main room to see Niall, Liam, and Zayn in a pile of limbs, wrestling for the TV remote and shouting profanities at each other, and he remembers that this is family too. He may be homesick for his family back in Donny, but he’s got family here too.

It’ll all be ok.


End file.
